Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Coming to a point

Some times it seems like everything happens at the same time. And often when these times in life come it seems like you will never make it through the next day. This is something I know well, especially right now - as I have spent the better part of the last three days crying.
If there was a way I could put the relationship I had with my grandmother into words I would, because I would love to share with the whole world the amazing connection I shared with her. But I don't think there is any way to describe properly the love we shared. The reason that I bring this up is because this is the first part of everything happening at once. I lost my grandma last year, which was devastating. But in her honor I continued on with life and tried to be as happy as I could, that is what she would want. For the most part I did pretty good with this loss, until this past Monday. On Monday morning my mom and aunt had to sell my grandma's house. I was the first person to tell my mom that grandma would say its just a house and its the memories we hold in our hearts that really matter, but on Monday morning when I walked into that empty house my heart broke. It hit me all at once that it would never be my grandma's house ever again. Maybe I would have been able to carry myself with the same dignity and grace that my grandma would have if it was not for the second part of everything happening at once.
On Monday morning I was up early to take my boyfriends brother to the airport. He was going to Michigan, to make sure he gets to see his dad one last time. Last week Greg's mom called and let me, Greg and Doug know that the doctors have said there is nothing more they can do for Greg's dad, the chemo was not working and the cancer is spreading. Since this phone call Greg and I have spent hours and hours talking about everything, when he should leave, should he fly or drive, should he take his kids, should I go, what if . . . . ., what if . . . . . . ., what if. Greg's family has become my family, I love all of them just as much as I love my own. Every time Greg and I sit down to talk about everything I end up in tears, and he can not understand why. I told him it just seems like everything is happening all at once.
Then comes today. I woke up this morning to be reminded that 15 years ago today I lost my uncle, who was also my godfather. I read the blog my cousin Chrissy posted and ended up in tears again, since I know soon Greg will lose his father too. I wish I could take the pain away for him, but I know this is not possible. This is something we all have to go through at sometime in our lives and I know all I can do is be there to love him and support him.
So on to the lesson behind this blog post. Even though often in life it seems like all the bad things happen at once, and that you don't know if you will have it in you to make it through the next day - you will. Life will continue, and you will be happy again. There will be more good memories made and some bad ones too. But more than anything you will be honoring the memory of the people you have loved and lost by continuing on and making new memories.

" 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." - Alfred Lord Tennyson

(This post is dedicated in loving memory of my Uncle Bob. As well as to Greg's father Ron Fleming, with all my love.)

1 comment:

  1. oh jamie i love you so much. this post had me in tears. i am so lucky to have you in my life. thanks for this tribute to my father. your grandma is looking down on you with love. i know you and aunt shirley miss her terribly.

    i hope Greg's father is ok. please give him out love.