Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Coming to a point

Some times it seems like everything happens at the same time. And often when these times in life come it seems like you will never make it through the next day. This is something I know well, especially right now - as I have spent the better part of the last three days crying.
If there was a way I could put the relationship I had with my grandmother into words I would, because I would love to share with the whole world the amazing connection I shared with her. But I don't think there is any way to describe properly the love we shared. The reason that I bring this up is because this is the first part of everything happening at once. I lost my grandma last year, which was devastating. But in her honor I continued on with life and tried to be as happy as I could, that is what she would want. For the most part I did pretty good with this loss, until this past Monday. On Monday morning my mom and aunt had to sell my grandma's house. I was the first person to tell my mom that grandma would say its just a house and its the memories we hold in our hearts that really matter, but on Monday morning when I walked into that empty house my heart broke. It hit me all at once that it would never be my grandma's house ever again. Maybe I would have been able to carry myself with the same dignity and grace that my grandma would have if it was not for the second part of everything happening at once.
On Monday morning I was up early to take my boyfriends brother to the airport. He was going to Michigan, to make sure he gets to see his dad one last time. Last week Greg's mom called and let me, Greg and Doug know that the doctors have said there is nothing more they can do for Greg's dad, the chemo was not working and the cancer is spreading. Since this phone call Greg and I have spent hours and hours talking about everything, when he should leave, should he fly or drive, should he take his kids, should I go, what if . . . . ., what if . . . . . . ., what if. Greg's family has become my family, I love all of them just as much as I love my own. Every time Greg and I sit down to talk about everything I end up in tears, and he can not understand why. I told him it just seems like everything is happening all at once.
Then comes today. I woke up this morning to be reminded that 15 years ago today I lost my uncle, who was also my godfather. I read the blog my cousin Chrissy posted and ended up in tears again, since I know soon Greg will lose his father too. I wish I could take the pain away for him, but I know this is not possible. This is something we all have to go through at sometime in our lives and I know all I can do is be there to love him and support him.
So on to the lesson behind this blog post. Even though often in life it seems like all the bad things happen at once, and that you don't know if you will have it in you to make it through the next day - you will. Life will continue, and you will be happy again. There will be more good memories made and some bad ones too. But more than anything you will be honoring the memory of the people you have loved and lost by continuing on and making new memories.

" 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." - Alfred Lord Tennyson

(This post is dedicated in loving memory of my Uncle Bob. As well as to Greg's father Ron Fleming, with all my love.)

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Love Your Family

First I want to start off by saying that not all of us were blessed with good families. Some families are torn apart by drugs or any number of senseless reasons. But if you are lucky enough to have a good family never take them for granted! I know it's easy to get frustrated and angry with the people you love the most. This has become more obvious to me as I have spent the last few months trying to help my parents get my grandmothers house ready to sell. There have been several nights I have come home plotting their demise (I know - terrible, but it's the truth!). I now carry with me a picture of me and my grandmother standing in her kitchen to remind me of what it really means to love your family no matter what. She loved every single one us no matter what! No matter what mistakes we made in life, big or small - she never once judged us, she just loved us because that is what you should do! Its hard to understand this as you are growing up, why your parents make the decisions they do or why life seems so unfair at times. But if you are blessed enough to have a family that loves you it will all work out, even if life never makes sense - the one thing that will make sense is that your family loves you and always will! There are so many petty things that get in the way of this great love (money, who should have called who, the list goes on and on!) but don't let those things get in the way! If the people you love were all taken away from you suddenly you would be left wishing you had just let the little things go and loved them no matter what. I believe that truly loving someone means loving them not just for the good they do but also for their faults. We all have good and bad in us, and if you can't find it in you to love your family for the good and bad then what do you have? Don't hold grudges and don't let the sun go down upon your anger because none of us knows what tomorrow will bring!

(This post is dedicated to Mom, Dad, Josh, Aunt Lorraine, Jerry, Chrissy, Paul, Bridget and Ethan, Veronica, Jared and Julian, Uncle Dennis, Greg, Michael and Karley, Ron and Marilyn, Kurt, Jodi, Kyle and Conner, Ronda, Troy and Doug. And in Loving Memory of Grandpa Manuel, Grandma Mary, Uncle Bob and Grandma Alberta - I love you all!)

Friday, September 4, 2009

Fall In Love - Often

I know that probably every parents has told their children that there are plenty of fish in the sea. And if I had children I would tell them this too. As well as to fall in love and often! I know many people may think this does not sound like quite the right thing to say but I believe in it strongly. There are very few people in this world who fall in love with their high school sweetheart and get married and live happily ever after. I wish life could have that storybook ending but it just simply does not. I would be there to let my children cry on my shoulder when they did get their heart broken and to also tell them the last thing the are going to want to hear at that time (there are plenty of fish in the sea!). But right along with that I would tell them that they will probably fall in and out of love many times before that right person comes along. And that each time they do fall in love they should enjoy every moment of it. And I would let them know that hopefully someday the right person will come along - but this can take a lot of time and patience for some people. Not that there is anything wrong with them but sometimes its just a little harder for some to find your soulmate. And that once you do find that special "one" all the waiting and broken hearts along the way will not seem to matter too much anymore. But all the waiting and broken hearts will also help you to know how to build a strong relationship with this "one" you have found. And maybe - hopefully they can then build that storybook ending with this person they have found. And part of their great love story will be falling in love again with a child or children. But I would also warn them that not all endings are storybook. And sometimes people do fall out of love, even if it seemed like the most perfect love in the world. And although I would hope this would never happen to my (imaginary) children, I would then let them know if it does that it is time to get up, dust themselves off - and fall in love all over again!

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
- Marilyn Monroe

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

If You're Not Sure Don't Do It!

If you're not sure don't do it. This is probably the most valuable advice I ever received from my dad. When I was I teenager I didn't always follow this advice but it definitely made me think a little bit more about the decisions I was making. As I get older I often realize that I am asking myself "are you sure about this?". This little piece of advice has probably kept me from making some very big mistakes in my life!

So this would be the first thing I would tell my children if I had any. "If you're not sure don't do it!". I would start telling them this at a very young age so that they would remember it for the rest of their lives as I have. Sometime I think if every parents got this message through to their children the same way my dad did to me maybe we would not have so many teenagers making such bad life decisions. I could be wrong but that is just how I see it. I mean look at me, I am almost 30 years old and still alive, healthy and happy. And is that not ultimately not what every parents wants for their children?

I am sure that there are several people in my life who are tired of hearing me quote my fathers advice, but I never plan on stopping, because he is one of the wisest people I know.